sleepless

as darkness creeps

toward new light

i overthink it all

what’s done

and to be done

what lies ahead

and in my head

thoughts twist and tangle

tire me

and taunt me

as time tick ticks away

another day

and sleepless night

envious of my husband

fast asleep

in this crowded bed

dogs at our feet

but restless thoughts

won’t leave my head

so instead

i toss and turn

and fill my mind

with all but dreams

with hope

and regrets

with worries

and queries

and Italian drills

punctuated by clattering

down in the street

and still troubled lungs

that heave and squeak

so absurd

thoughts retreat!

for all i want to do

is sleep

Sleep

Sleep evades me

sleep can’t save me

toss and turns me

makes me taut

choices made

outcomes shade

any happiness I’ve saught

life has a way

on too many days

of kicking me to the ground

ever impatient

tired of waiting

for all i think I’ve earned

not seeing clearly

what to hold most dearly

is the life already found

but here’s the thing

what nightime brings

is darkness full of doubts

did my impatience

invite trepidation

which attends me all night long

sleep evades me

sleep won’t save me

from this recurring haunt

that my willful, skillful selfness

forces herculean lessons

yet leaves me lonely, feeling helpless

for this false and mean obsession

needing things a certain way

will beat me up day after day

and tear my tender heart in two

keeping me further from the truth

but i keep trying

no more lying

that I’m understanding all

one year older

no more closer

to making the unfettered call

second-guessing

always messing

with the good of status quo

ever searching

ever lurching

toward the things I do not know

sleep evades me

sleep won’t save me

from the choices that I make

so I’ll write it

best not to fight it

take the give

and give the take