Tag: learning to write

She moves up and down the rows of desks 

filled with tiny, crouched figures 

hovering over lined paper 

and clutching #2 pencils. 

Filling the aisle with her middle-age width 

and Avon perfume, 

I feel the warmth of her body and breath 

as she leans over me 

and sighs.

We’ve been here before.

I’m just not getting this pencil-holding thing.

I thought I was doing it right. 

The letters on my paper look pretty much like everyone’s. 

Pretty much.

But every time she stops at my desk, 

she firmly cups her hand over mine and squeezes  

hard

until she forces my tiny, anxious fingers 

to curl around the long, yellow pencil 

with the well-worn, pink eraser.

“A firm grasp is the key to proper penmanship, my dear,” she says, 

trying to sound patient 

about my substandard pencil etiquette.

Not wanting to disappoint her

again

I clench that pencil 

as if my very breathing depends upon it, 

until my fingers cramp from it, 

and the lead of the pencil 

presses so hard against the paper 

that the letters bulge through the opposite side.

When she asks us to turn our papers over 

and sit quietly until everyone finishes, 

I close my eyes 

and feel each raised letter with my fingertips. 

Wondering whether any one else 

has to press that hard 

work that hard 

to squeeze out the letters 

and words, 

and sentences, 

so very anxious to burst forth.